God My Wife is Hot

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MAD Hippies Life Golden Gate Canyon State Park ColoradoI am constantly amazed at my wife’s ability to remain sane as a woman with all the struggles she has faced in life. From the pressures of society to the unique attributes of being female, she has dealt with so much in every season of life and remained someone I constantly am inspired by and look up to. Indeed, I am proud to be her husband and best friend in this life and the next.

Of late, she has had to endure a cruel and unjust phase of life for no other reason than she is a woman, menopause. What’s interesting to me is that we have read up on and listened to so many points of view of what women go through when that dreaded day comes and menopause becomes part of everyday life, but it’s all from a woman’s perspective, and most assuredly should be, as they are the ones dealing with it on such a deep personal level, physically and mentally.

Rarely, if ever, do I hear from the men. And when I do it’s generally in a joking manner laden with so much ignorance, and sad to say is quite insensitive. The last thing a woman needs to hear is some quick and insincere response to her heartfelt needs.

Though I can joke about it, and do at times, but from a position of knowing and understanding what my wife is going through. Perhaps as a way to shed light on her struggles, let her know I do understand, am listening and am willing to help. Is it frustrating? Very much so. But I’m learning.

One of the most difficult aspects I deal with are her repetitive questions that seek reassurance. At first it was maddening to me to be asked the same question over and over…within a short period of time, sometimes within the same hour. But seriously, that’s one of the cruelest conditions of menopause, she normally would never need constant reassurance, but for some ungodly reason menopause does! I finally made the recommendation to her, jokingly, that I would make her a set of flash cards with her questions and my answers.

Reliving all the difficult memories of past experiences in life with her is tough, too. While she gets to go back through all the past emotions again, and not just as they were, we’re talking an “erectile dysfunction pill” for emotions, they will last more than four hours and be much harder than before! Those memories can be difficult to deal with all over again. Moreover, her memories of times I wasn’t a part of, how am I supposed to be a support when I don’t even know the trigger source of the emotion.

Indeed, to me, menopause is far more a traumatic mental affliction than it is physical.

That is not to say the physical is any walk in the park. My wife is hot…and cold, and hot, and cold. If you see a woman with her head out the window driving down the highway in the middle of winter with sweat running down her face, well, that’s us.

Sleeping at night is like an aerobics class. We start off all snugly and the next thing I know it’s like someone put an electric blanket between us set on ultra-high! Blankets flying, not to mention our little dog somewhere lost in the now flying blankets, we’re seeking the cool air away from the sauna of our not so distant quiet and relaxing sleep. Sleep? In short spurts, maybe. This was no gradual warm up either, instant heat. Perfect I think for winter camping in the mountains. But just as soon as you’re looking to turn the ceiling fan on high, open all the windows [mind you it’s 20 degrees outside] she’s grabbing for the blankets as the heat dissipates and the grueling cold moves back in. Talking about AC/DC!

Where does all this leave me? Hoping I can at the very least bring some peace to her life during this rather evil punishment she must go through, that we’re going through. It does affect me, not as it does her, but indeed, it does affect me, we’re going through this together, like every other stage in our 33 years together.

As crazy as it sounds I love going through it with her. But that’s just as it should be, we should always be there for each other. The key being, together. We are doing this, we are finding ways to cope and we are holding strong against what life throws at us not willing to let the negative penetration of life’s dark side destroy what we’ve made together.

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Sunrise at 14,000′ on Mt Evans

I love the picture above. I love to see her finding, if for just a moment, peace. Be it meditating, staring blankly into the sunrise or just absorbing the short time when menopause leaves her alone, I just want to go up and grab her from behind, wrap my arms around her and encourage, embrace and relish in the moment with her. Unfortunately I fear that it might trigger something that would somehow reverse the bliss she is enjoying.

Alas, I stand back and have my own moment of seeing the most beautiful person in the world creating a special and most unbelievably serene setting with her physical and spiritual energy aligned with the universe at peace.

Peace,

The “M” in MAD

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12 thoughts on “God My Wife is Hot

  1. Wow, I give you credit for your sensitivity to your wife–how rare is that? It’s nice to see that kind of devotion. You might be surprised to learn that most of us in this age group believe that framing menopause as an affliction makes it worse–it is really just a natural stage of life that we all go through. We can choose to “suffer” through it, or laugh at it or just take it as it comes. It’s really not evil, or a punishment or an affliction or the dark side any more than menstruation or childbirth or puberty. It’s life.

    • Thanks so much for sharing, Carol! This is the “D” in MAD. 🙂 I’m definitely hoping to see this time differently, but it has surely blindsided me. The physical symptoms: debilitating headaches, hot flashes, etc, are things that I can ignore and deal with fairly easily, because I know how to work with them, but the emotions are beyond anything I’ve experienced before. The closest would be postpartum depression, and the worst case of that was after our daughter was stillborn, and I would put this emotional roller coaster up there with that time and loss. I am looking for ways to calm my feelings and try not to respond to the intensity that overtakes me at times, but it has been a challenge. I take herbal supplements, vitamins, eat well and exercise, but I tell my husband that his unconditional support, and simply just being there for me and allowing me to vent it all out, has been the best medicine. I am beyond grateful for him and his support!! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

    • Thank you!! My husband’s words have touched me deeply, and the fact that he has by back has given me much needed relief. I can’t say enough how grateful I am for his support. Wishes for a fantastic 2015 to you as well!

  2. Support and education are great things aren’t they? I understand that menopause can be extremely difficult for some and the emotional roller coaster is certainly a wild ride. There are so many ways to get relief and many more positive perspectives to take as well. Check out http://www.ellendolgen.com for some great resources! Lots of non-hormone replacement options if that is a concern.

    • Thanks Capt! I just recently found Ellen Dolgen’s page, and I have read through posts there. I am willing to try most anything, I do want to stay on the naturopathic side though, and she did offer some great resources. It is most definitely a roller coaster to beat all roller coasters for me, but I feel confident that I will ride through this and come out stronger, especially with great support and learning from others, like your suggestion. Thanks again!

    • Tam, I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you that you won’t have to experience much of this. It is a crazy ride! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  3. This is an awesome post, and I wish you and my husband would start a support group for men who love their wives through this insane stage of life. This speaks to me so poignantly: “I just want to go up and grab her from behind, wrap my arms around her and encourage, embrace and relish in the moment with her. Unfortunately I fear that it might trigger something that would somehow reverse the bliss she is enjoying.” I feel like I transform into a different person every 10 minutes, and it’s kind of reassuring to know I’m not alone. Thank you for this.

    • I have mentioned to Miller so many times that his support has meant more to me, and has helped better, than any other remedy I’ve tried. We’re fortunate to have men that are there for us and try to understand what we are dealing with. Can’t ask for anything better! That support group is an excellent idea! Glad to know that I’m not alone either, the mood swings are, well, indescribable. Thanks so much for reading and sharing!

  4. I had to laugh at the part you wrote about what happens in bed with the hot/cold thing. That is exactly what my and the hubby experience. He says, omg it’s like a flame-thrower! lol We do deal with it together and it’s awesome to see your support. We laugh about it …a lot…and that helps for sure!

    • It is crazy, I have never felt this type of heat before, I’ve always been one to get cold easy. If my husband is holding my hand, or if I’m resting my arm on him, he knows immediately that a hot flash is coming. We do laugh a lot about it. It is great to have support, and nice to hear that others are feeling that their husbands are there for them as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🙂

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