Why Do Men Want Man Caves?

Β MAD Hippies Life Man Cave Demver ColoradoI’ll just get right to the point, why the hell would I want a man cave?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I’ve been able to ascertain the current social meme of a man cave is that it’s a place for men and their buddies to get away from their wives, girlfriends, significant others, etc… and do men things.

I guess I missed the memo on this so called masculine, and somewhat neanderthalic behavior, where men disappear into their “men only” domains and play poker, entertain crude jokes, talk about [other] women, watch football or god knows what other anti-women activities, hence the name “man” cave.

Simply put, I just don’t get it.

I married my best friend in high school and have enjoyed her company ever since. I have never felt the need, or lacking for that matter, to have a men only zone. We enjoy all activities together not because we have to, but because we want to.

It’s pretty simple, and quite understandable [should be], why would we want to spend our time apart, we like all the same things and enjoy each other’s company? Perhaps I just got lucky, in the simplest of terms, my wife just happens to be my best friend. I guess it’s just a bonus for me that my wife fits that bill, whereas, perhaps, some have best friends other than their wives or husbands.

Hell, what do I know anyway? To each his own I generally say, and agree most of the time, but when it comes to marriage, when we separate out our time with our spouses I have to wonder if the phrase “United We Stand, Divided We Fall” rings true? I don’t need time away, I don’t need guys night out [or in] and I sure don’t need to seek good times outside of the genuinely exciting and amazing marriage I have with my best friend and soul mate.

Peace,

The “M” in MAD

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29 Replies to “Why Do Men Want Man Caves?”

  1. I think it’s healthy, in any relationship, to have social time apart from one another. I do not feel there has to be a dedicated room in the house for that BUT interacting with friends apart your spouse doesn’t mean you’re subtracting value or worth from your spouse.

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    1. Thanks for your reply! Indeed if it works for you, by all means do it. Strengthening and growing our relationships is no doubt an important part of maintaining them and keeping them healthy and vibrant. Perhaps that’s why we live the way we do, joined at the hip. I can’t imagine a day, event or moment without Debbie, it’s just how we’ve grown together since we first met 33 years ago in high school. It just felt “natural” to us both and we’ve never looked back. The norms just never worked for us, or perhaps we just never gave them any thought, we just have always done what we’ve done and enjoyed every minute. Now if I could just win the lottery and never have to go to work! Peace, Miller [The M in MAD]

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  2. We don’t have a man cave in our house and I don’t think I’d ever want one, but I do get a little tired of all the football craziness in the fall, with as attached to the TV as some guys I know get so I can see why some men want to get their “game” fix in their own space

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    1. I’d vote for an “us” cave if one were ever to exist, but I guess that’s the home and life we’ve built together over the years. Debbie and I share many common interests and have learned to appreciate each other’s own interests that have actually been fun learning experiences where we found that we enjoyed each other all the more, learning about each other and what we both brought to the marriage. As a guy I rebel against the memes of society that tell me I should do this or that. I’d much rather stand on my own two feet and do what I want in the face of it all. Hence when other men ask me about my man cave I just simply laugh and express the idea that I don’t need [or want] one, much less do I want a place to escape, I’d much rather spend time with Debbie watching the game together, or whatever the activity is. And then the attitude comes! “Dude…???” I guess some guys will just never get what Debbie and I have together. But to each his own, if it works by all means do it. Peace, Miller [The M in MAD]

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  3. Me and my husband spend a lot of time together, and also do a lot of activities together just about everything. But he also want a man cave I am fine with this because I can only watch so much football and basketball lol he can sit in front of the tv Monday night, Thursday, all day Saturday and sunday. I like to be with the girls too. I guess it wouldn’t be a man cave so to speak just an area to do other things away from each which is not to often.

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    1. Thanks for commenting, Danielle! We each finds what works for us as a couple, that is what is important. Peace! πŸ™‚ Debbie (The “D” in MAD)

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  4. I really think it is sweet that you like to do so much with your wife. I love spending time with my husband, but I don’t think he wants to go to a scrapbooking crop with me all day…I also think having our own interests can make us a more well rounded couple! πŸ™‚

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    1. You never know. Debbie had interests she probably thought I’d have no interest in. 33 years later I’m still learning new things, as is she. Worst case scenario, we do our own things alongside each other [same room]. Communication flows, she shares what she’s doing, I share what I’m doing etc…just have fun πŸ˜‰

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  5. I agree completely. If you enjoy time with someone why would you need a cave? Though I think having a man cave or a man only space is a little extreme, I think each partner has to have their own space. Whether that might be an office, workshop, craft corner, etc. Separate space is important but it should never be something exclusive.

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    1. Indeed, closed door policies should never exist in any relationship…be it a man cave, password, wallet, purse, etc We’re open with everything, nothing hidden.

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  6. I don’t see anything wrong with it since my husband enjoys it and has fun. I’m not really into sports, loud movies and stuff. If it makes him happy and he enjoys it I’m happy! πŸ™‚

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  7. We don’t have a separate space at our house. My husband and I spend a lot of time together ,we do everything together 24/7. I wish he had a man cave even though he’s my best friend sometimes we both need a little space from each other. I think it’s great the way you feel about a man cave .

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    1. Love to hear 24-7!!!! I didn’t really know what to expect when I posted this, or even if I should for fear of negative responses :/ Alas, that’s what blogging is all about. Debbie and I have been together pretty much our whole lives after meeting in high school and have spent that entire time together. We’ve experienced the good, the bad and the ugly side by side. I don’t really know any other way to do it, she’s everything to me in one beautiful package, hence a marriage that has worked well for 31 years [though we’ve been together for 33]. Sure there are bad days here and there, we’re human! But neither one of us has ever felt the need to get away from the other. Thanks for your reply. Peace, Miller [the M in MAD]

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    1. Thanks for commenting, Kimberly. I completely agree and understand the need for healthy friendships, and we are blessed to have some amazing ones. Miller and I have moved several times in our almost 31 years married, and we have had many wonderful friendships in all of these places. Some of these friends are like family to us today, but each special and significant in its own right. We value and cherish all our friends and family. His piece was more of a response to the memes that can be placed upon, and encouraged in many instances, men to separate themselves from their wives or significant other and have their man-only domains. We have never felt the need for time apart, heck the 40 hour work week, along with the commute time is more than enough for us. πŸ˜‰ We very much love our time together and find so much joy in experiencing life with each other on an emotional, physical and spiritual level, and that it was I feel he is trying to convey most. Thank you again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! Peace! πŸ™‚ Debbie (The “D” in MAD)

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  8. Currently with apartment living we don’t have the ability to have a man cave, but my husband has always said that he never wanted one because all he wants to do is spend time with me and our son. And even now he does! He hardly ever goes out for “guys night” maybe once a year, or he goes over to his friend to help him on his farm but thats the extent!

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    1. Thanks for replying, it’s refreshing to know we’re not alone! Indeed, friends are great to have, but not to the extent that our spouses and children are not invited, not much of a friend in that case. We love our time together and when friends are involved, we’re all together. Peace, Miller [The M in MAD]

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  9. Frankly, at the very root of this, is the American idea that stuff = success. Everyone gets more stuff: The kids get a playroom filled with toys; mom gets a craft room; dad gets a man cave with a big TV and video games.

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    1. I’m not one to use the term “amen” in such a setting as this, but I can’t help but say it, AMEN to that! Meme driven society doesn’t sit well with us and frankly is the root of many issues in our world today. Thanks for the reply πŸ™‚ – Miller [The M in MAD]

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  10. New theme.. very beautiful. And now I can comment, I couldn’t comment before (I had trouble). Very interesting post:) Me and my husband always do stuff together shopping, watching same movie. We always agree together what we want to watch. I will not turn on anything like romance, and he will not watch war movie.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words and response! It’s great to hear you guys do a lot together, every minute no matter the mundane task is an opportunity for time and memories. Funny, I learned to enjoy romantic comedies and Debbie learned to enjoy action/adventure πŸ˜‰ – Miller [the M in MAD]

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    2. Thanks, Ilona! I’m glad the theme works better now, we searched a bit to try to find one that worked well. πŸ™‚ Sounds like a very sweet relationship you have with your hubby. Shopping is always better for me when Miller is there, too. Thanks for sharing. Peace, Debbie πŸ™‚

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  11. I love how you talk about your relationship with your wife, it’s wonderful to hear. I married my best friend too, and we do everything together. It’s the best!

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    1. Thanks for your kind words Alana. I love the life experiences Debbie and I have had together and would do it all over again, even if it meant including the bad stuff. It’s been one heck of a ride, incredible learning experience and [continuing journey]. Indeed, as I’ve aged I’ve been able to summarize what Debbie was, is and will always be to me since we first met in the hall of our high school years ago, in a letter I wrote to her I said, β€œYou were exotic, cosmic and strange, though somehow familiar as your soul, my soul, our soul, was reunited.”

      Peace, Miller [the M in MAD]

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