How We Made it 30 years: A Letter From My Husband

how to make a marriage last

It seems that everyone else knows the secret to making marriages last—everyone except for us.

It seems that speculation abounds as to which relationships and marriages will last for any length of time, and for how long.

Everyone has ideas about what it takes to have lasting lifelong love, and what should and should not be taking place in a couple’s life for a relationship to be healthy.

But, what does it take to keep love and a marriage strong?

Now, I know there are a plethora of helpful books, articles and blogs written that discuss just this topic. I should know—I have been reading these since the beginning of our marriage. Well before that, if I’m being honest.

Countless references, I couldn’t even begin to guess how many, from every angle and perspective—religious, spiritual, psychological—and from couples that want to share how they made it to 10, 15, 20, or however many years. I have really appreciated all that they had to say, and I still read them, but from a very different perspective—one where I look to see if we live or have applied any of the suggestions they have made.

It’s dizzying to keep up with it all.

Yu know how it goes…the proper way of conducting yourself during the dating phase, best types of premarital counseling, making sure to stay in shape, always looking your best, saying I love you, not going to bed angry, having date nights, keeping sex alive, developing your own interests, having time apart to miss each other, learning each other’s love languages and so many other dos and don’ts.

Some of these things we’ve done and some we haven’t, and I know that some would definitely not work for us and that we understand some concepts entirely differently than another couple who reads them.

As I sit here, 30 years into a marriage with a man that I adore and love more than I adequately know how to put into words, I can’t honestly give an answer as to how we have been together all these years. All I know is that I love him with every fiber of my being: body, soul and spirit!

Love is more important to me than anything else that this world has to offer, it will be all that will matter to me in the end.

I asked my husband the same question: How have we been married 30 years after marrying so young? His response brought me to my knees, though I’m not sure it provided any clear answers. I’ll let you be the judge.

Click here to read the letter my husband wrote in response [published on Elephant Journal]



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37 thoughts on “How We Made it 30 years: A Letter From My Husband

    1. Thank you so much for your beautiful comment! Relationships are definitely work and ours is no different, but we love each other very much and make it a point to give it our best every day. It is so worth it!! ❤


  1. Absolutely touching! My husband and I have been together for 14 years, since high school and it’s such a great journey. Wishing you MANY MANY MANY more decades of love!


  2. You have such a loving husband who adores and cares for you with such passion. The love that you have for each other and your marriage are gifts that I’m certain you both cherish. I wish my dad were like that to my Mom. Keep the it stronger, I’ll be rooting for you two.


  3. Aww this is a beautiful thing to happen – Not all relationships experience such especially when you get together at a young age – so wonderful!


  4. I am always very humbled and happy to hear and meet people who have been together for such a long time, my parents will be celebrating 30 years soon too and it was never easy even though they made it look easy. These days we into not really working for it but more into if we get bored we off to find something new which is sad but is happening


  5. That was amazing. Gave me goosebumps and made me only hope that I can make it 30 years with my husband and we still have the same love if not more for eachother! (:


  6. WHATTT! That letter is full of energy and expression, and just plain beautiful. Love the way your husband answered the question. If only mine answered with such a lovely letter (lol). It’s just breath-taking how he describes the way he felt throughout the different phases of your lives together, and when he’s describing what he loves about you. Such a special letter!


  7. What a milestone – congratulations! I saw the movie Gone Girl last weekend and some people just don’t know how to have a healthy marriage… oh my!


  8. What a lovely piece. I hope myself and Mr. Mashed Up make it this many years. We’re babies compared to you too. Keep going y’all.


  9. Congratulations on 30 wonderful years. This was such a beautiful letter, the greatest gift he could give you apart from his love of course 🙂


  10. Aw…how amazing! My husband and I will have our 20 year next summer and i’ve often asked my aunt how she and my uncle have made it for over 40 years and she always tells me you have to fake it during those hard times when you don’t feel it until you do feel it again.


  11. 30 years is a big deal, and I know it aint easy. I was married at 19 so I’ll be married 10 years before I turn 30! We’re on year 9 and it’s not always a walk in the park. But it’s worth it.


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